There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
