i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
