Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
