I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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