I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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