Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
