I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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