Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
