upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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