do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
