so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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