You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
