I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
