Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
