have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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