I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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