True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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