We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
