This girl is more easily done than said...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
