PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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