dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
