If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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