non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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