omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
