two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
