the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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