I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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