So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
