Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
