I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
