I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
