I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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