you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
