Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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