Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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