Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
