i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
