I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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