a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
