Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
