he wants to bone in the snuggie
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
