took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
