i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
