Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
