strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
