I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
