we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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