Kiss
Puke
The maid of honor just puked.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
