Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
