if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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