I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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