he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
