Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
