The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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